My first boyfriend and I were together for 3-years. I tried to break up with him a couple of times and he threatened to run his car into a tree. Of course I did not want to live with that for the rest of my life! During a one-night break up he showed up the next day, begging to me to take him back while having hickeys on his neck from a fellow classmate. This classmate was a friend and knew she didn't understand the situation, so I have never held anything against her.
Then he began seeing someone else behind my back, I figured it out fairly quickly, she worked at the steak house with him. Having been a shy kid, you learn to observe, rather than talk. Or at least I did. This other girl even showed up to his graduation ceremony while I was sitting in the stands with his parents. I had never met her but she was the only one at the Civic Center by herself, and the only name she clapped for was his. How I picked her out of thousand people, I will never know, I just had a feeling she would show up.
So I finally, given the evidence had a reason he would accept for me breaking up with him. He of course made me feel as if I had ruined his world. This is when the stalking began.
Every night after leaving his job at the steak house, he would slowly drive his car by my house. How did I know? A 77' Olds Cutlass has a specific sound. Plus when I heard it while lying in bed, I looked out the second floor window of my bedroom, and there he was.
He literally continued to do this for about a year. And within that time, I met someone else and started dating exclusively. One night when my parent were out of town, I invited my new boyfriend over. In the back of my mind I thought, what if my ex drives by and see's his car? How would he even now what his car looked like? (It was a cute baby blue VW bug w/ no heat)...Anyhow, while me and my current boyfriend were sitting on the couch, holding hands watching a movie, I hear the metal railing on the front porch "ping". Looking out the window, there was the ex, walking back to his car parked in the middle of the street. The two of them proceeded to circle the block looking for each other. Needless to say, I fist fight on the front lawn was narrowly thwarted by myself, but not until after I was shoved.
Literally, for a good 5-years plus after the first drive-by, I would get that stomach "pang" every time I heard a similar car engine. And for not quite as long but long enough, I felt on-guard everywhere I went for fear of my 1st boyfriend to confronting me.
He is married now and has kids, I assume as I have too, matured and are better able to handle our feelings and relationships. We all have our "crazy" but it is up to each of us to deal with it and not let it out on others.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Fledgling Freak Magnet
The first time I can remember having to deal with "freaks" was in elementary school. As a kid I had medium blond, very straight hair, just longer than my rear end, with bangs cut straight across. I was also incredibly shy.
Although I loved my hair, others did too. Whether I was standing in a line or in a group setting, I was subject to the invasion of my person space on most occasions. Strangers or fellow classmates wanted to play with my hair. If you were to politely ask me "hey can I play with your hair?" then most likely I would say yes, mostly because I didn't know how to say no. But for those who would just come from behind me and start "playing" with my hair, no.
Shy kids, more than most, do not like having their personal space invaded. And for a "freak" when they are told no, or shrugged off, this is twisted into their minds that you saying "I am better than you" because of course, it's all about them. I remember being chased around the playground by a couple of girls who had ethnic hair, as they yelled at me because a had thwarted their attempts to "play" with my hair. They had been aggressive with what they wanted from me, so I ran.
In the summer before junior high school, I had my hair cut to my shoulders. Was I then safe, no my hair was only beginning. Junior school was a mile walk, typically my friends on the block would walk to school together. Walking home from school was usually a mixed bunch of us kids heading in the same direction, and pealing off the group as we approached each our houses.
My first stalker lived about 2-blocks past my house. I do understand that kids of this age are confronted with feeling and emotions with little skill to deal with them. This kid would occasionally, after trailing me, show up at the front door of our house.
At the time, my mother had returned to college and my father worked full time, so I had a few hours on my own. Typically after school, as soon as I got home I would fix myself and snack. Taking my snack into the living room, there he was with his face pressed into the screen of the front door, watching me. As soon as he know I had seen him, he ran. I was happy my parents taught be to always lock the screen door. This scene repeated itself a enough times to scare me, that I would take alternate routes home, and upon arriving home, batten down the hatches. Impressively in high school in composition class, he apologized. Unfortunately, I had by then spent a couple of years avoiding any contact with him. The "pang" had seeded itself.
Later in high school I was harassed by a couple of guys who felt it was my "duty" to respond favorably to their friend who kept leaving love notes and flowers on my locker, but who himself, never spoke to me.
Although I loved my hair, others did too. Whether I was standing in a line or in a group setting, I was subject to the invasion of my person space on most occasions. Strangers or fellow classmates wanted to play with my hair. If you were to politely ask me "hey can I play with your hair?" then most likely I would say yes, mostly because I didn't know how to say no. But for those who would just come from behind me and start "playing" with my hair, no.
Shy kids, more than most, do not like having their personal space invaded. And for a "freak" when they are told no, or shrugged off, this is twisted into their minds that you saying "I am better than you" because of course, it's all about them. I remember being chased around the playground by a couple of girls who had ethnic hair, as they yelled at me because a had thwarted their attempts to "play" with my hair. They had been aggressive with what they wanted from me, so I ran.
In the summer before junior high school, I had my hair cut to my shoulders. Was I then safe, no my hair was only beginning. Junior school was a mile walk, typically my friends on the block would walk to school together. Walking home from school was usually a mixed bunch of us kids heading in the same direction, and pealing off the group as we approached each our houses.
My first stalker lived about 2-blocks past my house. I do understand that kids of this age are confronted with feeling and emotions with little skill to deal with them. This kid would occasionally, after trailing me, show up at the front door of our house.
At the time, my mother had returned to college and my father worked full time, so I had a few hours on my own. Typically after school, as soon as I got home I would fix myself and snack. Taking my snack into the living room, there he was with his face pressed into the screen of the front door, watching me. As soon as he know I had seen him, he ran. I was happy my parents taught be to always lock the screen door. This scene repeated itself a enough times to scare me, that I would take alternate routes home, and upon arriving home, batten down the hatches. Impressively in high school in composition class, he apologized. Unfortunately, I had by then spent a couple of years avoiding any contact with him. The "pang" had seeded itself.
Later in high school I was harassed by a couple of guys who felt it was my "duty" to respond favorably to their friend who kept leaving love notes and flowers on my locker, but who himself, never spoke to me.
Finding Peace After The Storm
In one months time, I have had to deal with two troubled people, one professionally and one socially. I have met neither of them in person.
Professionally, I have filed an official letter of complaint with the proper authorities. This was easy to let go of and really did not effect me personally. This person tried to extort money from my Client and through harassment and intimidation. Karma has already taken care of him. The authorities will hopefully stop him from doing it to anyone else.
But yesterday, I had to block someone from my Facebook page. The matter would have been simple, but she is the girlfriend of a good friend/ex-boyfriend of mine. The downward spiral started with an fun comment I made about a show I enjoy. Her first comment was just like a school yard bully, demeaning and "LOL" at me because "everyone knows the show is fake".
I live my life with an open objective mind, and am more than happy to engage in an adult debate over different beliefs or evidence of a truth. This is not always easy, but the more you work at it, the easier it does get.
This person proceeded shove her "evidence" down my throat, so to speak, ending with a snide comment reveling in her triumph over me. My next response was to point out to her that her tone and attitude was not appreciated. She then responded with a long paragraph of untrue accusations.
I had over the course of our new-ish online relationship, began to get a sense of her "freak". My guess is that, through her life experiences, became a competitive and jealous person, lashing out without provocation. Although, some of her comments, especially in relation to my cats, were more of an overbearing motherly type.
Even after I told her, "goodbye, I hope you find your peace" at the end of what had become a 28 comment plus status update (think only 2 or three of the comments were mine, and one from another friend) ...she tagged me in a post on her own page, yet trying to force this down my throat. This forced me to send a note to my friend, letting him know what was transpiring and that I hoped it would not effect our now 15-year friendship.
After un-friending her, she proceed to make thinly veiled comments about me on a post I had left on his page regarding the recent comeback of the Beavis & Butthead animated series. Later she added comments saying "ya, what a b" in a tone to suggest he had referenced me as such in a conversation they had had.
After I then flat out blocked her, she hijacked my friend's (her boyfriend) computer to send me an AOL/AIM text message to my phone, asking if this was my phone number and could we talk. I block that text suspecting that it was her.
I sent my friend a Facebook note asking if he had texted me...the response was "YES" followed by yet another response of "screw you" and "I know the show if fake"...wow, she is so full of an unprovoked need to best me, she can't even hold her own bluff. She then, apparently (I could be wrong here) unfriended me from my friends page. Later he or she requested "friendship" , I accepted hoping is was him. He then (or I assume) sent me a Facebook note "I am having trouble with my Facebook page, sorry of the confusion"...today I have been unfriended again.
But, my history with "freaks" and with the support of a friend who's also been in a similar situation, I have weathered the storm without compromising myself or my integrity as a sane human being. It is yet another of life's learning experiences, and as the Buddhists say, I should embraced this opportunities when they arise. I can do that, it's regaining my sense of peace that is hard.
Although I refuse to be a victim, these two experiences, the second one in particular, bring back the pang of feeling on guard for my personal safety. And in future posts, I hope to exercise any latent negative energies I am holding onto from my life as a "freak" magnet.
Professionally, I have filed an official letter of complaint with the proper authorities. This was easy to let go of and really did not effect me personally. This person tried to extort money from my Client and through harassment and intimidation. Karma has already taken care of him. The authorities will hopefully stop him from doing it to anyone else.
But yesterday, I had to block someone from my Facebook page. The matter would have been simple, but she is the girlfriend of a good friend/ex-boyfriend of mine. The downward spiral started with an fun comment I made about a show I enjoy. Her first comment was just like a school yard bully, demeaning and "LOL" at me because "everyone knows the show is fake".
I live my life with an open objective mind, and am more than happy to engage in an adult debate over different beliefs or evidence of a truth. This is not always easy, but the more you work at it, the easier it does get.
This person proceeded shove her "evidence" down my throat, so to speak, ending with a snide comment reveling in her triumph over me. My next response was to point out to her that her tone and attitude was not appreciated. She then responded with a long paragraph of untrue accusations.
I had over the course of our new-ish online relationship, began to get a sense of her "freak". My guess is that, through her life experiences, became a competitive and jealous person, lashing out without provocation. Although, some of her comments, especially in relation to my cats, were more of an overbearing motherly type.
Even after I told her, "goodbye, I hope you find your peace" at the end of what had become a 28 comment plus status update (think only 2 or three of the comments were mine, and one from another friend) ...she tagged me in a post on her own page, yet trying to force this down my throat. This forced me to send a note to my friend, letting him know what was transpiring and that I hoped it would not effect our now 15-year friendship.
After un-friending her, she proceed to make thinly veiled comments about me on a post I had left on his page regarding the recent comeback of the Beavis & Butthead animated series. Later she added comments saying "ya, what a b" in a tone to suggest he had referenced me as such in a conversation they had had.
After I then flat out blocked her, she hijacked my friend's (her boyfriend) computer to send me an AOL/AIM text message to my phone, asking if this was my phone number and could we talk. I block that text suspecting that it was her.
I sent my friend a Facebook note asking if he had texted me...the response was "YES" followed by yet another response of "screw you" and "I know the show if fake"...wow, she is so full of an unprovoked need to best me, she can't even hold her own bluff. She then, apparently (I could be wrong here) unfriended me from my friends page. Later he or she requested "friendship" , I accepted hoping is was him. He then (or I assume) sent me a Facebook note "I am having trouble with my Facebook page, sorry of the confusion"...today I have been unfriended again.
But, my history with "freaks" and with the support of a friend who's also been in a similar situation, I have weathered the storm without compromising myself or my integrity as a sane human being. It is yet another of life's learning experiences, and as the Buddhists say, I should embraced this opportunities when they arise. I can do that, it's regaining my sense of peace that is hard.
Although I refuse to be a victim, these two experiences, the second one in particular, bring back the pang of feeling on guard for my personal safety. And in future posts, I hope to exercise any latent negative energies I am holding onto from my life as a "freak" magnet.
Friday, November 11, 2011
A Brief History
For as long as I can remember, I have been a freak magnet. By "freak magnet" I am referring to unstable people somehow gravitating to me or even running full speed at me, resulting in difficult situations. It is as if I have a neon sign floating above my head, that only certain people can see that says, well whatever they want it to say. Now understand, I am by no means making fun of the mentally ill here, only documenting my odd life experiences. The range of "freak" I've had to deal with goes from classmates, ex's, individuals at a party or bar to random people on the street. From stalking, to menacing to threats of physical harm.
You might be asking yourself, what about me or what I am I doing to cause or illicit this behavior? I am a typical, blend in with crowd kind of gal, unassuming with an honest face. Parents, authority figures and co-workers like me. I have a great batting record with job interviews. I treat everyone I interact with respect, honesty and assume first that I might have something to learn from them. I listen. I am polite. I am not a doormat.
Perhaps for "freaks" I illicit feelings of safety or even that I might be easy to manipulate? Typically the ugliness happens directly following me being nice to them and/or after they find I stand up for myself.
I have been stalked. I have been harassed. I have been flashed, so to speak. And as I am sure with many bloggers, a blog originates from a recent experience. So here I am, putting it out there and trying to grasp, why.
You might be asking yourself, what about me or what I am I doing to cause or illicit this behavior? I am a typical, blend in with crowd kind of gal, unassuming with an honest face. Parents, authority figures and co-workers like me. I have a great batting record with job interviews. I treat everyone I interact with respect, honesty and assume first that I might have something to learn from them. I listen. I am polite. I am not a doormat.
Perhaps for "freaks" I illicit feelings of safety or even that I might be easy to manipulate? Typically the ugliness happens directly following me being nice to them and/or after they find I stand up for myself.
I have been stalked. I have been harassed. I have been flashed, so to speak. And as I am sure with many bloggers, a blog originates from a recent experience. So here I am, putting it out there and trying to grasp, why.
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